This week, I was cruising the Internet as I usually do and found myself reading an article on Forbes. For two reasons, the article fascinated me. One, the article is titled "How to be a Supermodel." Apparently, there is a formula for being a Supermodel. Two, and even more curious is that not only did this article about modeling appear on Forbes, but I had to wonder, "Really? Will someone read this, print it out, and use this as a manual?"
Obviously, we know the answer to that last question. Forbes didn't publish the article because they honestly believe some young girl will come across it and get straight to work on becoming a Supermodel. It's really just a subtly snarky statement about Supermodels, and I have to admit, I love it.
The article and the ten "steps" got me to thinking, and so instead of just giving you the lowdown on how to be a supermodel, your very own Styledash Sarah J. Gim has decided to take Forbes' little nuggets of advice intended for 14-year-old girls who might be "discovered" grinding into a Big Mac at a McDonald's in eastern Europe and turn them into some real advice for real people.
1. Forbes says: "Stop eating. Grow." Sarah says: Being 5'9" and weighing 110 lbs is unnatural. Instead, "dress to stretch." Wear all black in shapes that flatter your figure, and don't ever forget the magic of a 4" stiletto heel in the same color as your hemline, which should be, of course, black.
2. Forbes says: "Be photogenic." Sarah says: Digital cameras are your friend because you can take a bazillion pictures and not waste anything but your time. Take a bazillion pictures of yourself from every angle in a multitude of poses. Determine what makes you look best, etch that pose in your memory, and strike it every time someone aims a camera at you. Some things that work universally are: 1) sticking one leg in front of the other to lengthen your legs, 2) turning about a quarter so that you're not head on, 3) dipping your head down a tiny bit also creates angles on your face with shadows, and makes your eyes look bigger because you're looking slightly upward.
3. Forbes says: "Get signed. Move to a big city like New York ... " Sarah says: If you already live in a big city like New York, then you're all set. If you don't, make a tradition of going on an annual shopping trip to New York. Even if you spend $10,000 on clothes and shoes, it's still much cheaper than living there.
4. Forbes says: "Be quiet. Models don't say much of anything ... " Sarah says: Always speak your mind, but be a lady about it. Even the harshest of sentiments can be delivered in a nice way.
5. Forbes says: "Don't party. Don't be a diva." Sarah says: When you party, party like a diva.
6. Forbes says: "Befriend powerful people." Sarah says: Befriend people who make you laugh and smile. Laughing burns calories, which will help you with #1, and smiling makes everyone look good.
7. Forbes says: "Date celebrities." Sarah says: This is dumb advice. I have no other comment.
8. Forbes says: "Expand your brand." Sarah says: Forget about "brands" in every aspect of your life. The generic store brand of laundry detergent is just as good as Tide, and you can look fabulous in anything from the International GO collection at Target if you put yourself together well.
9. Forbes says: "Now you can talk." Sarah says: Watch talk shows with supermodels. Listening to all those miserable stories of other people will make you realize how great your own life is.
10. Forbes says: "Don't gain weight. Ever." Sarah says: Forbes' spell checker must have made a mistake. This should read: "Don't wait. Gain everything you want in life by working hard, spending time with your friends and loving your family."