I doubt these would appeal to the punky ladies of the local roller derby, and they're probably a little bit out of the wait staff's price-range at the neighborhood Sonic. Still, I guess if Marc Jacobs can make a shoe that looks like a doorstop, Giorgio is allowed to make roller skates -- at least these actually perform some kind of function. My only complaint is that they look like a pair of Fisher Price skates I once had -- only less cool. 
Shouldn't skates being marketed by a fashion designer look well... fashionable? I think it would be really smart to play off of the classic roller skate look -- but if you're going to make them ugly, you might as well put those wheels in a straight line and call them rollerblades. Maybe drop the price a little too.
Buy for $425
[via Luxist]