Fans, you know what to do. Get out your jersey and your jeans (or, where appropriate, tiny cheerleading uniforms). But for those of us with no jerseys, or perhaps just a desire to rise above the norm, here is a guide for what to wear to a Super Bowl party.

1. Go big or go home. It's the Super Bowl, not the Subtle Bowl. Do not fear the flair. You know how in Mean Girls, they say that on Halloween a girl can get away with wearing something slutty and no one can say anything? The Super Bowl is the day you can get away with any and all team-related flair. Go nuts. It's fun.

2. Wear your team's colors. Obviously. If you don't support a particular team? Pick one. If you don't pick one, you're a jerk. And we don't want to see any of that almost-the-right-color crap. I'm from Minnesota, and I always wanted to slap anyone I saw at a Vikings game wearing lavender. It's not the right color. We are going to advise something we rarely advise: Go to American Apparel. It's like a crayon box in there.

3. Show off your figure. If you want to stand out from the t-shirts and jerseys, wear something with a waist. But please, oh please, do not show us your waist. When shirt and pants (or skirt) do not meet, you're just trying to look like a porn star and everybody knows it. You, in football-related clothing, especially with a waist, is sexy. Don't push it.

4. Be comfortable. We advise figure-skimming clothing, yes, but keep in mind: You're gonna be eating and drinking and the game is gonna last a couple of hours because they keep stopping the clock. (Why do they do that?) Don't wear something so tight you can't breathe, so short you won't be comfortable (or will be obscene) on the couch, or so ridiculous you'll want to change.