Bravo has started to introduce the contestants for its "Project Runway" replacement, "The Fashion Show." Season one of the stitch-and-bitch fest, which one Bravo insider described it as "like Project, but with real designers" (meow!), begins May 7.
Let's take a look at the talent, shall we?
This teaser video introduces each contestant in just a few seconds. Watch with me, and let me know what you think.
Angel from New York: They didn't let her say much, but hey, she's pretty! So we like her because we're shallow.
Andrew from Los Angeles: An "underwear designer" whom we hope keeps his clothes on during the show. Also, honey: the hat and the suspenders clash.
Anna from Brooklyn: Sure looks like she has an edge. Also smart enough to name-check her line, "Miranda Darkling," in the promo so fashion geeks can Google it (although you don't find much when you do.)
Daniella "I live in New York": So obviously not from New York and too embarrassed to say so. Also, that hideous dress! No! No! No!
Haven from Tennessee, lives in L.A.: (See Daniella, that's how you say it.) I replayed the name of her clothing line five times and still couldn't make it out because she swallowed the words: suggests a lack of confidence.
James-Paul from L.A., lives in London: Boring! Do we care that you are 28, James-Paul? No, we do not. And hate the hat.
Johnny from downtown L.A.: Oh god, The Fashion Show has a Jay McCarroll. Batten down the hatches!
Johnny Day from North Hollywood: So this is the fourth dude from L.A. and the other three live in New York. That's a little disappointing. Maybe North Hollywood is the only place two-tone lapels are considered stylish?
Keith (won't say where he's from, witness protection maybe?): Dude, unless your last name is Urban I'd rethink the hair. And did you peel a disco ball to make that scarf? I predict he'll be in full drag from episode two.
Kristin from Illinois: Finally, some regional variety! And she nicely enunciates her label, Organic Revolution. Kristin seems lovely (we'll even forgive the pink stripe in the hair because I like how it works with the girls' school blazer), but I'm worried those other bitter queens in the cast will eat her for breakfast.
Laura from New York: "I have my own label that's designer women's wear," is all we get out of this limp fish. Hate the 'do but the dress seems interesting, so let's hope she surprises us.
Lidia from Russia, lives in Brooklyn: Lidia, darling, in this country we do not wear Victorian straight-backed chairs as clothing, even on cable TV reality shows.
Markus from Michigan and Miami Beach: Hmm, seems a tad dull. But then he is "the creative director of Metier Magazine, which is a fashion business magazine." Which means, what, he art directs paper clips?
Merlin from someplace Spanishy: Okay, gay jockeys make my eyeballs bleed. Just so you know.
Reco from Chattanooga: Well, the yellow t-shirt tells us nothing, other than that Chattanooga has a discount tattoo parlor. But he has a nice vibe about him and might be a good foil for some of the other, more brittle personalities. Impress us, Reco!