Fashion people are funny. They have their own little discreet visual code that, to the keen observer, speaks volumes about their refined taste and lifestyle. The unscratched red sole of a
Louboutin, the intrecciato stitching of a
Bottega Veneta handbag, and most recently, The Perfectly Nuanced Tan.
At last night's
Costume Institute Gala at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, a disproportionate amount of attendees were working a shade of Beautiful People Bronze that whispered, "I'm not one of you." (Just in case you needed any reminding.)
The tan was rich and beautifully three-dimensional, despite occasionally veering into
orange-y terrain. No matter what the hue was, the color was so carefully modulated, I imagine it was manually applied by a small army of doting spa technicians, all with advanced degrees in self-tanner application.
Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe some women were
foolishly working authentic, sun-baked tans. But the implication is still the same: They're pampered, you're not. While they've been luxuriating on a beach, the rest of us plebes have been under tacky fluorescent lights, caught in the glare of our computer screens eating Subway sandwiches or something.
Sad, I know. But for escapism's sake, let's take a look at the best of the spectrum.
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The Bronzed & The Beautiful
See who fake baked for last night's Costume Institute Gala.
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
Phil Walter, Getty Images
Jessica Biel
Lady in red, vision in chiaroscuro. J. Biel's tan so greatly emphasized her crazy-sculpted body and angular facial structure, I thought one of the Met employees might accidentally cart her off to The New Greek and Roman Galleries.
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
Kate Moss
Clearly, nothing goes better with gold mini-toga than a bronze bod. Loving the homage to antiquity.
Randy Brooke, WireImage
Blake Lively
Girl loves to show off her (frankly amazing) cleavage so often, it's becoming a bit cliché. But I guess if I had a perfect body the color of Carribean wet sand, I'd flaunt as much of as I could get away with, too.
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
Molly Sims
I don't think I've ever seen Sims this tan - even during her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue days.
Larry Busacca, Getty Images
Victoria Beckham
The Original. Posh worked that orange bod and those contoured cheekbones like it was her last spin on the red carpet eh-vah.
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
Cindy Crawford
Okay, not sure if her tan was one of the best, but it was certainly the most well-done. (Pun fully intended.) Lady out-tanned Donatella and stepped on her dress. (Honestly, I thought she was Eva Mendes' older sister at first glance.)
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
Joe Bob Richie, 5-05-2009, 6:34PM
Looking at Jessica Simpson's tan caused me to wonder, hmm...could this be Alice Cooper's long lost granddaughter
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