Logan Neitzel, 26, WA: Uh, sir? The "Real World" taping is next door; I think you're on the wrong show.
Louise Black, 32, TX: The little black cocktail dress she designed for the school competition is cute, but what's going on with the neck ruffle? And the emo fascination for creepy vintage dolls seems a little rote -- I'm sure it makes her "interesting" in Dallas, but the aesthetic won't travel so well to New York.
Malvin Vien, 24, NY: With the J.K. Rowling name and wind-tunnel hairdo, Malvin comes across as the picked-on gay kid in Slytherin. I predict Gordana picks him up by an ankle and eats him by week three.
Mitchell Hall, 26, GA: "I fell in love with the masculine textiles." I'm sorry, I was laughing so hard after he said that that I couldn't pay attention to the rest of the video. Then, just as I was about to recover he said "this is Professor Funny Bunny" and I lost it again. But if he and Malvin hook up, they can totally have their own spin-off show.
Nicolas Putvinski, 27, NY: I'm sorry, did he say his dog is called "Chardonnay?" Mitchell, I'm sorry, I think I owe you an apology.
Qristyl Frazier, 42, NY: Sweet, plucky, and appealingly Jennifer Hudson-esque. Not sure I can see her winning the show, but I could imagine her designing a complete range of post-gastric-bypass evening wear for Star Jones.
Ra'mon-Lawrence Coleman, 31, IL: Girlfriend practically has snaps built right into his name! Also, he has sewing machines called "Bernie" and "Nina." Something tells me we're gonna see a lot of sequins outta this queen before the end of the season.
Shirin Askari, 24, TX: So she doesn't like blue, but is a huge Lucille Ball fan, who is her muse for "glamour ... class ... elegance [and] beauty]." Hmm. As likeable as this designer is, one senses that perhaps her taste has yet to settle down.
Based on the 16 "Home Visit" preview vids, we seem to have a somewhat predictable roster of pleasantly bland women and gay stereotypes. While there is no clear front-runner for villain, I sense a steeliness in Gordana that could go amusingly awry if one of those drippy boys crosses her in a team challenge, which seems like it might be likely.
Based purely on personal style, I'm going to go into the competition rooting for Ari Fish. What do you think?