Jamie Hince and Kate Moss arriving at Simon Cowell's 50th birthday party. Photo: WENN.com

Usually when a stripper emerges at a birthday party, it's the birthday boy (or girl) who gets their undivided attention.

Unless the birthday boy is Simon Cowell. And the stripper is a dude in a thong. And Kate Moss is in the room.

Unfortunately for Moss, her attendance at Cowell's star-studded 50th birthday party over the weekend was marred when a "banana hammock"-wearing male burlesque performer from New York City''s The Box picked her up and twirled her around, all to the tune of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing," the New York Post reports.

And while the ballsy guy no doubt smelled of "wine and cheap perfume," something tells us Moss didn't want to "hold on to that feeling."

Her trauma didn't end there. After finally being put down by the stripper, the supermodel was berated by angry boyfriend Jamie Hince, the paper reports. (Johnny Depp never would have done that!)

Sources say Lady Tina Green, wife of Topshop's Sir Philip Green, ultimately got Hince to simmer down, and the couple partied on until 4 am alongside guests like Ryan Seacrest and Naomi Campbell.

Note to Kate: Next time, bring your Mace. It's perfect for dealing with grabby half-naked men and crappy boyfriends.

Think Moss was chatting up Cowell about the music biz? She does have possible songwriting plans.