Long Hair on Little Boys: Right or Wrong?

by Deborah Dunham (Subscribe to Deborah Dunham's posts)
Posted Apr 19th 2010 at 7:00AM

Ryder Russell Robinson's freshly chopped locks, left, and with longer hair, right. Photo: Getty Images

Kate Hudson finally convinced her six-year-old son, Ryder, to cut off his long locks.

Hudson admits it's always been a battle to give her son a haircut. "He won't let me cut it," she previously told US Weekly. In addition, she blames his rocker dad, Chris Robinson, lead singer if the Black Crowes. "I think it's a daddy thing," she said. "His daddy's got long hair so he loves his long hair."

For a while now, Hudson's son was not the only little boy in Hollywood with long hair. Remember Cindy Crawford's son, Presley, with the long blonde locks that she referred to as "surfer-dude cool"? Elle Macpherson and Celine Dion both had long-haired kids that you would swear were girls -- only they weren't.

While we're all for individuality and expressing yourself with your hair, at what point does this become damaging for a little boy if he is being mistaken for a girl? Are their parents setting them up for an identity crisis or are they just having fun with their child's looks?

According to L.A.-based psychotherapist, Heather Turgeon, it's okay for parents to let their boys have long hair. "Kids get enough pressure to conform to gender expectations from their peers and society, it's not necessary for parents to add to this pressure by trying to force one look or another," Turgeon says.

Acknowledging, though, that boys have it harder than girls when it comes to conforming, Turgeon says it's more acceptable for a girl to be a tomboy than for a boy to be feminine, and the point that this could become damaging is when they start to feel outcast by their peers.

"In the early years," Turgeon says, "parents can take more control, but as kids enter school, they should be encouraged to express themselves and have more say in their appearance."

Turgeon adds that being mistaken for a girl will have no impact on a child's "gender identity" because that is something that is a biological, hardwired part of our personality. "As kids move into school age, if they act like the opposite sex they are more likely to be teased or rejected by peers, because young children are even more black and white about gender than adults," she says.

While this is not an issue for preschool kids because they are not judgmental yet, being ridiculed beyond those years can set kids up for lower self-esteem according to Turgeon.

So what is a parent to do in the often judgmental society that we live in? Turgeon reminds us not to worry about altering a child's sense of gender identity or sexuality. "If your girl refuses dresses or your boy wants to paint his nails, keep an open mind," she says. "Talk to your kids and help them process the raised eyebrows or peer rejection they might be facing, and then offer alternatives, but don't force anything."

What do you think of boys having long hair? How about styling products just for kids? Right or wrong?

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marahnatha, 4-19-2010, 10:13AM

If Kate Hudson wanted a kid with short hair, she should have married a guy with short hair. I think it's far more important for a child to have a mother who doesn't "wake up one morning & decide his father just isn't 'working' for her anymore"
& just walking out & hooking up for ten minutes with every male in her path. I hope his dad remarries a good woman so he can have a real mother like Kate Hudson never did. She is truly pitifully.

Reply »

Mae, 4-20-2010, 10:49AM

Seriously? In 2010 this is an issue??? Give me a break.

Reply »

jrm27, 11-30-2010, 12:39PM

A long time ago when I asked a friend how she could let her son get his ear pierced at age 8, she said she actually pierced it for him (she was a nurse). She added that there would be so many far more important things in life that she is going to say no to that this wasn't worth the worry. In retrospect, now that I have two grown well-adjusted kids I realize that there is nothing wrong with allowing young children to express their individuality as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

Darlene, 4-19-2010, 4:19PM

A lot of parents do not realize that by allowing boys to look like girls can make them turn gay later on during their teen years. Our neighbor has a 11 year old boy who has long hair and now wants to wear an earing. His Mother forced him to have it cut off since she does not want him to become one of those people.

Reply »

Marion, 4-19-2010, 4:48PM

Are you for real I can not imagine a grownup coming out with such stupidty who with i/2 a brain would believe long hair would cause a boy to be gay so if a girl wears her hair short i guess she will end up gay also OMG I am blown away by that such a statement.

Wil, 4-19-2010, 4:52PM

You're f---ing stupid!

G.Blank, 4-19-2010, 4:54PM

Darlene...WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES! Don't pontificate on things you can not back up with facts...Where, how and when in the world did you come up with this biased, aniquated opinion? If you do indeed have a fact to back this up, let me know and I will more than apoligize, but until then, stick to thinking and not writing your thoughts.

UNBELIEVable, 4-20-2010, 7:02AM

Are you serious???

Munkie, 4-19-2010, 6:00PM

AH HA HA.

"Those people."

Great troll. I'm sad this doesn't have more angry responses.

Robbin, 4-19-2010, 6:07PM

You have no idea what you are talking about... You are an IDIOT!

B, 4-19-2010, 6:07PM

Darlene, My grandsons can become anything they want except like you!
What planet are your from???

Ray, 4-19-2010, 6:08PM

What people need to realize is that Darlene is posting extremely ignorant, inaccurate information. Nothing can MAKE someone gay. There are studies which point to a DNA and/or brain cause for being gay.

DO NOT listen to Darlene.

BluZBunny, 4-19-2010, 6:27PM

Darlene, Having long hair and being gay are tow different things. It's people like you, who are really sick. Being gay is not caused by weating your hair long. I know lots of gay men, who had butch as kids, what about them? I'm married to a straight man, who happens to have very long hair. He washes it daily, and takes pride in his style. Are you one of those Southern Babtist church ladies/ Not to put down that religion, but your statement is bound to get you some pretty irrate replies.

kay, 4-19-2010, 7:02PM

Let me be the first you are an IDIOT!!! You know nothing of gays!!! Long hair has nothing to do with being gay. Both my boys chose to grown their hair in their early teens. AND it was my idea for the second son to get his ear pierced, it went well with his artsy style. He is married almost 5 years and has a 4 year old daughter. I have gay male friends who wear their hair really short. I would take my gay friends over you and your closed sick mind anytime!!

kusa, 4-21-2010, 8:38AM

Darlene has the right to say what she believes just as you have the right to say what you believe

i'm so sick of you liberal freaks hijacking everything

i think kate's mothering abilities suck more to the fact she can't keep her legs shut
i think that will affect that boy more than her lax parenting skills of personal grooming

so let everyone have their opinion - if you want to voice yours = someone else is going to voice theirs and you may not agree but that's america

JustMeli, 4-19-2010, 6:52PM

Darlene, you have absolutely GOT to be kidding me?! A person does not "turn gay" because they do or do not have long hair and/or wear an earring.

If you truly believe this, then you are as messed up as you think "those people" are.

Your comment made me crack up laughing and just made my day at the sheer stupidity of it!

Linda, 4-19-2010, 7:08PM

omg how stupid are you?

Jannette, 4-19-2010, 7:13PM

Dear Darlene,
Thank you for the laugh! My husbands boss is a gay man, so most of the functions we attend we are the minority - and by that I mean straight! I would guess that I have 200 gay acquaintances, 20 being good friends. Out of those 200, I can't think of one with long hair! They are always extremely well groomed and fashion forward. I'm assuming your husband has a mullet and he isn't gay ... or is he???

Sarah, 4-19-2010, 7:14PM

Usually, I'm not a rude person, and I don't like to name call, but I must say you're an idiot! I have a family member that grew up dressed in typical boys clothes, had short hair, and did the most manly activities like shooting guns and fishing, when he was a child. Guess what??? He's gay now! And never in his life did he have long hair over his ears. So your theory is ignorant and uneducated. Oh, and I know plenty of men with long hair and earrings that are the biggest womanizers I have ever met!

Michelle Bowen, 4-19-2010, 9:02PM

I am bisexual, and my mom dressed me in dresses, i went to ballet and tap, had long hair, and even won a kids beauty pageant once. I don't think forcing a kid out of his or her "gayness" will work. I do not think focusing on how a child looks can predict his or hers future either. I mean, most murderes were these cute babies once, with mommies just or daddies just like you. That being said, my son, who is 16, has long hair. He has a girlfriend, and likes the skater style. My other son, who is scientific, has short hair, and he is 14. My daughter is 4, and she wanted her bangs long and her hair to spike in the back, so that is her hairstyle. I do not know if my kids are or will be gay, but I will love them anyway.

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