men in speedo bathing suits patterned water

Speedo sales are up in the U.K. Here's one trend we hope doesn't cross the pond. Photo: Image Source/Corbis

Beach bunnies, beware: The bulge is back and on the attack.

Yes, ladies, the Speedo is enjoying a swell in popularity among English men, according to the Daily Mail. British retailers including John Lewis and Debenhams report that banana-hammocks are outselling board shorts, while price-comparison site Ciao has seen the search for Speedo suits over the past six months increase 400 percent compared to last year.

Blame it on Daniel Craig or David Beckham, who have both been photographed wearing pint-size package smugglers, perhaps convincing their pale-skinned U.K. brethren that smaller is better.

Still, for every Bond and Beckham, there is a Rod Stewart and Simon LeBon, who dare to stuff their aging man parts into the tiny trunks. And while these guys may have a ball hanging out on the beach, fellow sun worshipers would really rather not know what their mamas gave them (or, uh, failed to).

As if the sight of a Speedo isn't painful enough, consider the names of some of the different styles of the wee water wear: the Infinite Splice (ouch!), the Pulse (hey now!), the Herculean Placement (what the what?), and the Pellet (I'm blushing).

Thankfully, this trend doesn't seem like it's about to hit American shores anytime soon. Personally, I'm all for more coverage and am praying for the day when those old-timey, full-body 1900s-style bathing suits make a comeback. Cue the calliope, I'm going for a swim.

In related news, read about Land's End's new swimwear.