The stylist-to-the-stars is so absolutely beyond, you know, furious over the departure of longtime assistant Taylor Jacobson that her claims of betrayal dominate the first episode of "The Rachel Zoe Project" season 3, which premieres Aug. 3.
As StyleList learned from a preview of the new season, Jacobson may have left Zoe's employ under a cloud of suspicion, but her tom-glam ghost looms large in Zoe's Chanel-clad universe.
"The last thing I want to hear is something good about Taylor," says Zoe, her face contorting as she learns that her ex-employee has hooked up with her former agency. It gets worse: Jacobson has snagged celebrity clients and is booking photo shoots!
Zoe mentions the knife twisting in her back so many times in episode one, it left StyleList wondering if the phrase is destined to become a Zoe-ism, right up there with "I die!" and "Bananas."
But wait! All is not lost for RZ Inc. As Zoe's reality star has risen, so apparently, has the willingness of some of her A-list clients to indulge Bravo's cameras.
Demi Moore, who last season was just a voice on Zoe's speakerphone, shows up in an Oscar de la Renta halter dress (we die!) and sky-high red Christian Louboutin pumps for a Harper's Bazaar photo shoot. (Could Cameron Diaz and Anne Hathaway be far behind?)
Moore doesn't say much as she poses with a giraffe, but Zoe claims her continued loyalty is an important coup because Jacobson worked so closely with the actress. (We're guessing Kate Beckinsale didn't get the stay-with-Zoe memo.)
Naturally, Tay Tay's abrupt departure is good news for Zoe's loyal, bow-tie-clad assistant, Brad Goreski. Seems he's been promoted to season 3 star!
Besides sporting a more refined look, the Canadian stylist gets a fancy new title and all the reality drama that goes with it. He even gets to pull wardrobe for Moore's shoot -- and send the interns to pick it up, natch!
No surprise, questions about the emaciated Zoe's health continue to dominate as the stylist and her doting husband/business partner, Rodger, begin their quest to produce a Lagerfeld-loving heir.
First, someone better pull that knife out and give the girl an IV. Stat!
"The Rachel Zoe Project" premieres Aug. 3 at 10/9 C on Bravo.
In other reality news, read what Tim Gunn has to say about those "Project Runway" judges.